G-JGTGR6VQNM 02 | Breaking Boundaries: Redefining Masculinity with The Dude Nation Podcast - The Dude Nation Podcast - EmpowerMENt for Healthy Authentic Masculinity, Fostering Brotherhood and Self-Discovery for Men

Episode 2

02 | Breaking Boundaries: Redefining Masculinity with The Dude Nation Podcast

Published on: 13th April, 2024

In this episode of The Dude Nation podcast, hosts Adam Lamb and Ben Curtis delve into the depths of redefining masculinity in today’s society.

Join the Nation and step into the circle.

The central theme is challenging traditional stereotypes by advocating for authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy in men.

The hosts create a safe space for men to explore emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships, and self-discovery through candid discussions and personal anecdotes.

This episode underscores the importance of open conversations, self-care practices, setting boundaries, and addressing sensitive topics like grief, mental health, and suicide from a male perspective.

By encouraging uncomfortable discussions and sharing personal stories, Adam and Ben aim to dismantle societal expectations and foster healthy masculinity in a world plagued by loneliness.

Furthermore, the hosts highlight the creation of a men’s organization dedicated to providing support, tools, and a sense of community for personal growth.

They emphasize honesty, integrity, compassion, balance, and connection as essential to redefining healthy masculinity. Vulnerability, self-care, and seeking help when needed are crucial aspects of this transformative journey.

Join Adam and Ben as they navigate the complexities of modern masculinity, urging listeners to embrace vulnerability, cultivate deeper connections, and strive for personal growth in a world that often overlooks the importance of authenticity and emotional well-being.

For more information, check out The Dude Nation

Transcript
Adam Lamb:

Welcome to the Dude Nation podcast where we explore the journey

Adam Lamb:

of healthy masculinity in today's world.

Adam Lamb:

My name is Adam Lamb, and I'm here with my co host Ben Curtis.

Adam Lamb:

And we challenge traditional notions of manhood, and we wanna

Adam Lamb:

inspire you to embrace authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy.

Adam Lamb:

We offer a perspective in a society where masculinity stereotypes

Adam Lamb:

often overshadow men's diverse experiences.

Adam Lamb:

We explore emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships,

Adam Lamb:

and self discovery.

Adam Lamb:

Whether seeking guidance on your journey towards self improvement

Adam Lamb:

or simply curious about what it means to be a modern man, the

Adam Lamb:

Dude Nation podcast provides a safe space for exploration and growth.

Adam Lamb:

Let's reclaim healthy masculinity together.

Adam Lamb:

So Ben, why do you think it was important for us to start a podcast?

Adam Lamb:

Doesn't the world have enough already?

Adam Lamb:

We have quite a few,

Ben Curtis:

but if we're going to reclaim healthy masculinity and part of

Ben Curtis:

that is encouraging communication, we need men to talk and I wanna

Ben Curtis:

learn more about healthy masculinity.

Ben Curtis:

I wanna stay tuned in to what's going on.

Ben Curtis:

And I also believe it's helpful to share our own story so that

Ben Curtis:

other men and other humans can see what it looks like if we actually

Ben Curtis:

start to embrace this and that we all have many of the same challenges.

Ben Curtis:

I think it's an opportunity for us to start to get real, have

Ben Curtis:

some more real talk from 2 men who are walking through the fire together.

Ben Curtis:

And to me, a lot of that's healthy masculinity.

Ben Curtis:

Like, we are here together, holding space for each other and sharing

Ben Curtis:

ourselves unapologetically with the world.

Ben Curtis:

So that's to me what serves it.

Ben Curtis:

And I wouldn't have a podcast with anyone other than you.

Ben Curtis:

You're the person who inspired me to do it in the first place.

Adam Lamb:

Thanks, brother. I think it's also probably important to point

Adam Lamb:

out, like some of the conversations that we'll be having on the

Adam Lamb:

show are not necessarily comfortable ones And it was just last

Adam Lamb:

week, it was reflected back to me that a person came up to me

Adam Lamb:

and said they were very grateful for my kind of transparent and

Adam Lamb:

vulnerable way of speaking about problems.

Adam Lamb:

And that opened up a whole other conversation.

Adam Lamb:

So it was a a wonderful experience and also very humbling to know

Adam Lamb:

that something like that would lend with somebody and give them

Adam Lamb:

an opportunity to talk about the challenges that they're having as well.

Adam Lamb:

Very often, our conversations are on the surface and not really

Adam Lamb:

digging any into anything.

Adam Lamb:

And I think this is a great space to to dig into those stuff and

Adam Lamb:

to really get some work done around some of the issues that are

Adam Lamb:

plaguing us all, really.

Adam Lamb:

It's probably important also to be able to reflect back to somebody

Adam Lamb:

a clear vision of who they are and the problems that they're having

Adam Lamb:

through our conversations.

Adam Lamb:

There's a recognition that like, oh, yeah. Yeah.

Adam Lamb:

I get that too. Yeah.

Adam Lamb:

So to feel like you're not the only one.

Ben Curtis:

Yeah. Thank you for saying that.

Ben Curtis:

There's a loneliness epidemic. Right?

Ben Curtis:

We're seeing how many men don't have friends today or have 5 or

Ben Curtis:

less, which is a huge decline.

Ben Curtis:

And we're also not talking about our feelings and the stuff that

Ben Curtis:

we're all facing, which is some of the challenging things.

Ben Curtis:

If we're not actually talking about it, then we can't heal or

Ben Curtis:

move through it.

Ben Curtis:

So I appreciate that you talked about the uncomfortable conversations as well. Mhmm.

Adam Lamb:

And

Ben Curtis:

that we're actually creating a safe space for men to start to

Ben Curtis:

dip their toes in the water a little bit more.

Ben Curtis:

What would it mean to have a little bit more community?

Ben Curtis:

What would it mean to be less lonely?

Ben Curtis:

Even entrepreneurs are facing loneliness today.

Ben Curtis:

This isn't just a man thing.

Ben Curtis:

This is like a universe thing.

Ben Curtis:

So it's a human experience as so many of us face life and death every day.

Ben Curtis:

I think it's important to talk about it and men mostly aren't,

Ben Curtis:

but I've also found that we're some of the greatest listeners.

Ben Curtis:

And so as we can practice holding space and listening to each

Ben Curtis:

other, that maybe we can actually grow together.

Adam Lamb:

I agree completely.

Adam Lamb:

And I think the other thing is there may be some confusion around

Adam Lamb:

what healthy masculinity is. Right?

Adam Lamb:

Because there's so much in the median.

Adam Lamb:

I just saw the word toxic and masculinity used in the same sentence

Adam Lamb:

yesterday in a leading, publication.

Adam Lamb:

So there's a whole lot of I think there's probably some guys out

Adam Lamb:

there who, for lack of a better word, wanna keep their heads down

Adam Lamb:

in the foxhole for fear of getting called out as anything other

Adam Lamb:

than a whole and complete human being who happens to be masculine

Adam Lamb:

as a way of, like, defense mechanism.

Adam Lamb:

And they also recognize that for us, sometimes we don't talk about

Adam Lamb:

things when there's not a solution that's present.

Adam Lamb:

Like we like to be able to fix stuff.

Adam Lamb:

So there's no point in talking about it if you can't fix it.

Adam Lamb:

And I've found that the only time I can ever quote unquote fix

Adam Lamb:

anything is when I can talk like very often the solution will

Adam Lamb:

provide itself in the conversation. If

Ben Curtis:

Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

Ben Curtis:

Thank you for that perspective.

Ben Curtis:

I'm already glad that I'm learning from you already.

Adam Lamb:

And what and what would you consider to be your version of healthy masculinity?

Adam Lamb:

Because I also identify, love the fact that this is something

Adam Lamb:

that's even though most of us share this masculine trait that

Adam Lamb:

our version of healthy masculinity can look a little bit than someone else's.

Ben Curtis:

Yeah. That's a great question, Adam.

Ben Curtis:

And I'm gonna ask you that and have you think about it as I start

Ben Curtis:

to answer it as well, anyone who's listening right now, because

Ben Curtis:

it's totally subjective and you actually get to create it for yourself.

Ben Curtis:

And as many men out as are out there could be that many different

Ben Curtis:

definitions of healthy masculinity.

Ben Curtis:

And not just men. Right?

Ben Curtis:

This affects everyone.

Ben Curtis:

For me, healthy masculinity, I like to talk about it like a bowling lane.

Ben Curtis:

Healthy masculinity is, a balance of integrity, which is like

Ben Curtis:

how smooth the floor is, how well it's polished structure, perhaps

Ben Curtis:

the bumpers or the gutters on either side that actually you have

Ben Curtis:

clear lines of where to go.

Ben Curtis:

And that space for the femininity to arise, which is the creativity,

Ben Curtis:

the flow, the chaos, which is an important part well, the spontaneity

Ben Curtis:

and that power and harnessing it.

Ben Curtis:

So to bring it into real life terms of what it's like human beings,

Ben Curtis:

not just a bowling ball, for me, it's being honest.

Ben Curtis:

It's being my word, having integrity. It's compassion. It's balance.

Ben Curtis:

It's discipline and power, and

Ben Curtis:

I also believe it's a birthright.

Ben Curtis:

Healthy masculinity is something that's our birthright that we

Ben Curtis:

don't have to subscribe to what society is telling us that we

Ben Curtis:

actually get to create it newly.

Ben Curtis:

And it's also connection, encourage vulnerability, authentic connection,

Ben Curtis:

being able to actually be real, to talk about those things, to

Ben Curtis:

move through them.

Ben Curtis:

It doesn't mean we don't have fear.

Ben Curtis:

It means we're able to take action and we don't do it alone.

Ben Curtis:

Those are all the important things for me around it.

Ben Curtis:

What about for you, Adam?

Adam Lamb:

You hit upon a lot of them.

Adam Lamb:

I reference it as how much of my day can I walk around with an open heart?

Adam Lamb:

What's the percentage of the time I spent today with an open heart

Adam Lamb:

as opposed to being closed down or shut down for out of some reaction to fear.

Adam Lamb:

And of course, anger is only a reflection of fear.

Adam Lamb:

So for me, that's incredibly important, and everything else is negotiable.

Adam Lamb:

I always get a little bit, nervous around conversations around

Adam Lamb:

integrity only because that I've taken part in some programs where

Adam Lamb:

integrity is the word and the concept is used like a whipping

Adam Lamb:

post for some folks.

Ben Curtis:

Yeah. And how many of us use it to whip ourselves still?

Adam Lamb:

Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Adam Lamb:

It's it's never good enough.

Adam Lamb:

And I have said in the past that my addiction was truly to my

Adam Lamb:

negative self talk.

Adam Lamb:

Everything else was just a tool to get me to that place.

Adam Lamb:

And so, very conscious of my internal dialogue.

Adam Lamb:

And I work very diligently at making sure that it's as positive

Adam Lamb:

and reaffirming as possible given my actions or that day.

Adam Lamb:

But I also understand that there's a certain amount of tenderness

Adam Lamb:

and kindness that that I get to bestow on myself because I don't

Adam Lamb:

know if anybody else out there can relate to this, but I can have

Adam Lamb:

a tendency of being really hard on myself.

Adam Lamb:

And that's not a positive thing for me or for anybody. So No.

Adam Lamb:

I don't relate

Ben Curtis:

to that at all.

Adam Lamb:

The idea of tenderness and kindness in those words, I choose very

Adam Lamb:

deliberately because I think generally speaking, most of us would

Adam Lamb:

be very tender and kind to somebody who was having a difficult time.

Adam Lamb:

And we're always willing to help others.

Adam Lamb:

And yet for us, we're usually the last to to receive that help from ourselves.

Ben Curtis:

Yes. Thank you so much for speaking to that too.

Ben Curtis:

So many of us men think I, I believe I've seen and talked to many

Ben Curtis:

who say a healthy masculinity is like being, being willing to

Ben Curtis:

be of service so much so that you're always giving your the shirt

Ben Curtis:

off your back for someone.

Ben Curtis:

But many of those men are not actually taking care of themselves too.

Ben Curtis:

So it's one thing to give you the shirt off your back, but if

Ben Curtis:

you're not putting the oxygen mask on yourself first, then you

Ben Curtis:

have nothing to give.

Ben Curtis:

You're giving from a place of emptiness.

Ben Curtis:

And suddenly you've gone from being the hero to the victim because

Ben Curtis:

you're not well, or you're stressed out, or you're not available

Ben Curtis:

for your family, or you have an illness or die an early death

Ben Curtis:

as a result of not caring for yourself first.

Ben Curtis:

So if we wanna be providers, I think a lot of the missing is how

Ben Curtis:

we're actually providing for ourselves, how we're treating ourselves.

Ben Curtis:

We think we've, it's always gotta be, it's never enough.

Ben Curtis:

I hear that from a lot of fathers and partners as well.

Ben Curtis:

Like it's never enough.

Ben Curtis:

Like if it's never enough, but how many of us are starting to

Ben Curtis:

give to ourselves and creating those boundaries say, no, actually

Ben Curtis:

this is my time.

Ben Curtis:

And if we're training other people how to treat us, where are

Ben Curtis:

we just running around?

Ben Curtis:

Like life's an emergency and we always have to be the hero as well.

Ben Curtis:

Can we pull back and start to give ourselves what we need a little

Ben Curtis:

bit or just develop some healthier boundaries?

Ben Curtis:

And what are our needs?

Ben Curtis:

Most of us, I don't think even know.

Ben Curtis:

Can we take time to to tap into that?

Adam Lamb:

Well, because the truth is there's never, there's never really

Adam Lamb:

a good reason to take care of yourself.

Adam Lamb:

There's so many other things that can be done.

Adam Lamb:

And gosh, time is short already.

Adam Lamb:

So why would we use any focus on that when there's something else

Adam Lamb:

that can be fixed as it were.

Adam Lamb:

But I'm really excited about this podcast.

Adam Lamb:

I know that we've got some incredible topics that we're gonna be doing.

Adam Lamb:

This podcast is gonna be coming out weekly, and we're gonna be

Adam Lamb:

tackling a particular topic for the month.

Adam Lamb:

So that might include, conversations between Ben and I.

Adam Lamb:

It might be a solo episode.

Adam Lamb:

We're also gonna include some amazing guests on the podcast as

Adam Lamb:

well, but some of the topics that we're gonna be going over men's

Adam Lamb:

trauma, where it comes from, how to deal with it, loneliness, relationships.

Adam Lamb:

That'll be a that'll be a great month because there's the relationship

Adam Lamb:

to self and others.

Adam Lamb:

There's also marriage, divorce, transitions, grief and death, and mourning.

Adam Lamb:

And we're going to talk about the big D and all the little d's

Adam Lamb:

that we encounter in our lives as being an equitable member of

Adam Lamb:

the human race and the things that are set up for us.

Adam Lamb:

We're all gonna have parents who are gonna pass away.

Adam Lamb:

Some of us will have children that pass away.

Adam Lamb:

Well, almost all of us will have a very, very significant relationship end.

Adam Lamb:

And so these are a lot of the things that we're all dealing with,

Adam Lamb:

fatherhood, stress management, money management.

Adam Lamb:

Another big topic is gonna be purpose.

Adam Lamb:

I'm always fascinated by the guys who revel in the fact that they're

Adam Lamb:

gonna be retired and then don't last another 10 years out of retirement

Adam Lamb:

because they've somehow lost their purpose and don't necessarily

Adam Lamb:

know what to do with themselves anymore, and then self care and self sabotage.

Adam Lamb:

So what are the topics that you're really excited to dig into?

Ben Curtis:

I love me some self care talk because I was the self sabotage.

Ben Curtis:

I really owned that.

Ben Curtis:

I lived it.

Ben Curtis:

I destroyed a lot of relationships with including ones with myself

Ben Curtis:

and other people in my life.

Ben Curtis:

And I've seen the difference and walk to walk through some self

Ben Curtis:

care that has changed my life.

Ben Curtis:

And I still show up for other people.

Ben Curtis:

It's not like I spend hours a day.

Ben Curtis:

I'm talking about less than an hour a day and then taking some

Ben Curtis:

things throughout my day.

Ben Curtis:

The other thing is death.

Ben Curtis:

I know that can be even a lot to hear for some of you who aren't

Ben Curtis:

used to talking about it, but death is a rite of passage.

Ben Curtis:

And we all go through it.

Ben Curtis:

Having lost my father, not to a few years ago, it still is like yesterday.

Ben Curtis:

And I know Adam, when I'm talking to you, we get to talk about

Ben Curtis:

our fathers and actually carry that.

Ben Curtis:

And it's something that we all will live through.

Ben Curtis:

Hopefully, we'll outlive our parents. Yeah.

Ben Curtis:

And then any of us who have been around children or brought children

Ben Curtis:

into the world or known a woman or been in any kind of relationship

Ben Curtis:

with a birth giving human, that human, if they've tried to give

Ben Curtis:

birth, chances are, 1 out of 3 of them have had a have had a death,

Ben Curtis:

and there's a man connected their sperm connected to that death.

Ben Curtis:

And whether we are in that relationship intimately or not, it affects us.

Ben Curtis:

And it's a trauma and it's one of those things.

Ben Curtis:

So having been through that as well, I just think there's so much

Ben Curtis:

that we're not talking about that could heal us if we just lifted

Ben Curtis:

these burdens a little bit more.

Ben Curtis:

And I think also, learning how to love ourselves and love our

Ben Curtis:

life a a little bit more.

Ben Curtis:

So some of that self care stuff in there too.

Ben Curtis:

But what are the ones that really speak to you, Adam?

Adam Lamb:

Well, of course, one that comes up a lot in my work is sorrow and mourning.

Adam Lamb:

And the fact that in our present society, that's not anything

Adam Lamb:

that we value at all.

Adam Lamb:

As a matter of fact, there's all kinds of phrase, suck it up sunshine,

Adam Lamb:

let's get moving.

Adam Lamb:

Some people have a time clock or a calendar on what proper morning

Adam Lamb:

period would look like.

Adam Lamb:

And for men, again, it's not anything that's really valued amongst men.

Adam Lamb:

This idea of, like, when there's loss, we all need time to process

Adam Lamb:

that, and it looks differently for everybody.

Adam Lamb:

So I'm really curious to get into that.

Adam Lamb:

And one thing that's not on the list that we probably should talk

Adam Lamb:

about at some point in the show is, of course, mental health,

Adam Lamb:

wellness and suicide because Yeah.

Adam Lamb:

It's one of the one of the highest causes of death for men, especially

Adam Lamb:

over the age of, I think, 60 now it's, the rates are incredibly

Adam Lamb:

high and getting higher every day.

Adam Lamb:

So there's something to speak to about men in their later years

Adam Lamb:

and the decisions they make to either live or end their lives

Adam Lamb:

up by their own hands.

Adam Lamb:

So I don't know.

Adam Lamb:

It's probably impossible to never know what, if any what's in

Adam Lamb:

a person's mind at the moment where they make that decision.

Adam Lamb:

But I do know what was in my mind years ago when I tried to commit suicide.

Adam Lamb:

And I think it's something that I think we can speak to because

Adam Lamb:

there are probably more than a few folks out there who at least

Adam Lamb:

had the idea once in their life Yep.

Adam Lamb:

And and there's nothing wrong with that.

Adam Lamb:

Thank you for sharing.

Adam Lamb:

What's wrong with the exact yeah.

Adam Lamb:

Because it's like, there's we'll make sure there's trigger points.

Adam Lamb:

People have resources because part of this conversation that we're

Adam Lamb:

having ongoing is where do you find those resources when you're in need?

Adam Lamb:

And and we wanna champion those who are out there providing those resources. Yeah.

Adam Lamb:

So that'll be part of the conversation for sure.

Ben Curtis:

I love that.

Ben Curtis:

And this is part of why we created a men's organization is that

Ben Curtis:

we could actually wrap a men like, wrap a circle around you, that

Ben Curtis:

we could give you pretty much all the tools or value that you could handle.

Ben Curtis:

We could provide that amount of support for you in community and

Ben Curtis:

partnership and accountability and education, and just a space

Ben Curtis:

to work through it.

Ben Curtis:

And if not us, we've got incredible date myself, say Rolodex.

Ben Curtis:

We've got incredible, like, community of health professionals

Ben Curtis:

that we can connect you to.

Ben Curtis:

If it's not us, we'll help you find a way.

Ben Curtis:

And that's part of what this is about is creating solutions, creating

Ben Curtis:

team, creating community.

Ben Curtis:

We're here to learn with you and through the process as well.

Ben Curtis:

And we can't wait for you to join us.

Ben Curtis:

So tell someone, bring a friend.

Ben Curtis:

You could invite your partner into this conversation each week.

Ben Curtis:

If you, if it's something that you're not comfortable talking

Ben Curtis:

about, invite someone to just listen with you.

Ben Curtis:

And if there's a topic that you wanna hear about that we're not

Ben Curtis:

covering or something you'd like to go deeper on, send us a message

Ben Curtis:

and let us know because we really wanna add value to your life

Ben Curtis:

and what matters to

Adam Lamb:

you. Yeah. You can find us on all the social media channels on

Adam Lamb:

the dude nation.

Adam Lamb:

And if it's not organ if it's not our organization, we'll certainly

Adam Lamb:

be bringing on leaders of other men's organizations for conversation as well.

Adam Lamb:

As far as Ben and I are concerned, we don't care which organization

Adam Lamb:

you join, but we are concerned that you actually avail yourself

Adam Lamb:

of the community that exists already and, become part of an organization

Adam Lamb:

that you can feel good about and, and be in service to another male.

Ben Curtis:

Well, Adam, I feel like it's been a service to me just to get

Ben Curtis:

to walk through this with you today and talk through it.

Ben Curtis:

And I'm so grateful.

Ben Curtis:

And if this is already making a difference for you, let us hear from you.

Ben Curtis:

We wanna know who's listening and what matters what's on your heart.

Ben Curtis:

And, Yeah, I'm excited for this journey.

Ben Curtis:

It was just the beginning.

Ben Curtis:

Here we go.

Adam Lamb:

That was great, man. Can't wait.

Adam Lamb:

That's it for this episode of the Dude Nation podcast.

Adam Lamb:

Be part of the movement to redefine what it means to be a man

Adam Lamb:

in today's world.

Adam Lamb:

Let's reclaim healthy masculinity together And until next

Adam Lamb:

week.

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Show artwork for The Dude Nation Podcast - EmpowerMENt for Healthy Authentic Masculinity, Fostering Brotherhood and Self-Discovery for Men

About the Podcast

The Dude Nation Podcast - EmpowerMENt for Healthy Authentic Masculinity, Fostering Brotherhood and Self-Discovery for Men
Reclaiming Healthy Masculinity
Welcome to The Dude Nation Podcast, where we embark on a journey of rediscovering what it truly means to embody healthy masculinity in our modern world.

Join co-hosts Ben Curtis and Adam Lamb as they dive deep into conversations that challenge conventional notions of manhood and encourage men to embrace authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy.

In a world where stereotypes often overshadow the rich tapestry of men's experiences, we strive to offer a fresh perspective.

We explore emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships, and self-discovery through candid discussions, personal anecdotes, and insightful interviews with thought leaders.
Whether seeking guidance on your path to self-improvement or simply curious about the evolving landscape of modern masculinity, The Dude Nation Podcast provides a haven for exploration and growth.

Tune in each week as we navigate the complexities of masculinity with humor, humility, and a shared commitment to catalyzing positive change.

Join us on The Dude Nation Podcast and become part of a movement dedicated to redefining and reclaiming healthy masculinity in today's world.

Together, let's embark on this transformative journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
Support This Show

About your hosts

Adam Lamb

Profile picture for Adam Lamb
Adam M Lamb is a professional chef with thirty years of successes and failures, which he leverages as the producer and host of the podcasts Chef Life Radio, Line Check & Turning the Table.

He has successfully served in such roles as Director of Dining Services, Corporate & Executive Chef, Consultant, and Coach, emphasizing mentorship and modeling 'servant-leadership'

His intention and drive are focused on creating highly effective, trusted teams that produce transformational, sustainable experiences for guests, associates, and the community alike.

Adam spends much of his time speaking and teaching about the #newkitchenculture to chefs, industry leaders, and organizations ready to take on the operational challenges that our craft and fraternity now face.

You can learn more by emailing him at adam@chefliferadio.com or calling 828-688-0080

Ben Curtis

Profile picture for Ben Curtis