Episode 3
03 | Unveiling Authenticity: Navigating Self-Awareness and Masculinity in the Dude Nation Podcast
“Ignorance is bliss And yet I know in this particular area being unaware, is not necessarily bliss because that shit’s gonna come home to roost at some point.”- Adam Lamb
Exploring Self-Awareness and Authenticity in Masculinity
In this episode of the Dude Nation podcast, hosts Ben and I discuss the transformative power of self-awareness and authenticity in reshaping healthy masculinity.
We emphasize the crucial role of introspection for men to comprehend their emotions, establish boundaries, and retain personal empowerment within relationships.
The Dude Nation podcast serves as a platform to challenge conventional norms of manhood, advocate for vulnerability and empathy, and provide a nurturing environment for individual evolution.
Join the Nation and step into the circle.
Our conversation underscores the significance of self-awareness in fostering meaningful relationships, spotlighting the impact of past triggers and coping mechanisms on behavior.
By examining personal history for recurring patterns, individuals can uncover tendencies like seeking extramarital affairs during periods of low self-esteem. Embracing self-awareness and identifying triggers are pivotal steps toward personal growth and fostering healthier connections.
Reflecting on poignant interactions with family and intimate partners, we discuss how self-perception profoundly influences self-esteem. It champions the practices of self-compassion, self-awareness, establishing morning routines, and participating in men’s circles as integral components of personal development.
Ben shares his personal journey towards self-awareness, stressing the necessity of consistent effort and interrupting detrimental behavioral patterns.
We get into strategies for cultivating self-awareness, including tuning into one’s intuition, embracing vulnerability, and integrating meditation into daily routines.
Techniques for managing negative self-talk, valuing constructive criticism, and remaining receptive to feedback for personal enhancement are discussed.
Ben encourages you to shift shifts in perspective, envision positive outcomes, and commit to incremental progress in emotional intelligence and empathy, which are advocated for sustained personal advancement.
We also discuss authentic masculinity's essence within the Dude Nation Manifesto.
We urge you to seek support, engage with a community, and participate in discussions to embark on a journey of self-awareness and personal development.
We invite you to redefine masculinity paradigms and champion healthy behaviors among men, fostering a culture of growth and authenticity within the male community.
For more information, check out The Dude Nation.
Transcript
Right, Adam. And today we're diving deep into a topic close to
Ben Curtis:our hearts, the power of self awareness, discovering your authentic self.
Adam Lamb:Oh, yeah, Ben.
Adam Lamb:It's time to wear our introspection hats and explore what makes us tick.
Adam Lamb:Maybe you've asked yourself questions like, how can I become more
Adam Lamb:self aware and understand myself better?
Adam Lamb:What are the benefits of self awareness?
Adam Lamb:How does it improve my life?
Adam Lamb:And what are some practical exercises or techniques for developing self awareness?
Ben Curtis:Those are great questions.
Ben Curtis:And from peeling back the layers of our personalities to embracing
Ben Curtis:our quirks and imperfections, We are here to guide you on a path to authenticity.
Ben Curtis:Let's feel back the curtain and uncover the true essence of who we are.
Ben Curtis:It's time to own our uniqueness, dude.
Adam Lamb:Welcome to the Dude Nation podcast, where we explore the journey
Adam Lamb:of reclaiming healthy masculinity in today's world.
Adam Lamb:My name is Adam Lamb, and I'm here with my co host Ben Curtis.
Adam Lamb:And we challenge traditional notions of manhood, and we want to
Adam Lamb:inspire you to embrace authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy.
Adam Lamb:We offer a perspective in a society where masculinity stereotypes
Adam Lamb:often overshadow men's diverse experiences.
Adam Lamb:We explore emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships,
Adam Lamb:and self discovery.
Adam Lamb:Whether seeking guidance on your journey towards self improvement
Adam Lamb:or simply curious about what it means to be a modern man, the
Adam Lamb:Dude Nation podcast provides a safe space for exploration and growth.
Adam Lamb:Let's reclaim healthy masculinity together.
Adam Lamb:So Ben probably need to start off by defining, like, what is self awareness?
Adam Lamb:How would you what would that what does it mean to you?
Ben Curtis:Self awareness to me, it's pretty on the nose self aware.
Ben Curtis:I feel like men are often trained, especially myself and speak
Ben Curtis:for myself, but I see the conditioning of us to be aware of others
Ben Curtis:hypervigilant at all times because we need to be the caretaker, the provider.
Ben Curtis:However, I find not all of us men always have the awareness of
Ben Curtis:what actually is going on with us, not just outside.
Ben Curtis:I think we're pretty aware of outside.
Ben Curtis:We're evolved beings and we know how to survive these days.
Ben Curtis:But do we know how to thrive?
Ben Curtis:And while we often look at outside as a lot of fear, awareness
Ben Curtis:of what to fight off, what to protect from.
Ben Curtis:I don't always find that we look at how can we become aware of
Ben Curtis:all of the support we have around us.
Ben Curtis:And then also the awareness self inside of what we're actually
Ben Curtis:feeling and what we actually need.
Ben Curtis:I think it's that's a great place to start even just naming feelings.
Ben Curtis:And can you identify how you're actually feeling and what your
Ben Curtis:needs are, especially around healthy boundaries is a great place
Ben Curtis:where I started with self awareness.
Ben Curtis:What do I actually need and what in a I used to always leave that
Ben Curtis:up to person B the other person in the relationship to find that
Ben Curtis:because I'm just all in for anything.
Ben Curtis:But that will be giving your way.
Adam Lamb:Yes. What do you want me to do?
Adam Lamb:Let's go over here. What? Yeah.
Adam Lamb:You want me to be,
Ben Curtis:oh, I did bad.
Ben Curtis:Oh, I'm sorry.
Ben Curtis:I'll kind of whimper in the corner.
Ben Curtis:It gave away all my power and then forced my partners in this
Ben Curtis:case, women into space of needing to become hyper masculine to
Ben Curtis:take up that space that I wasn't.
Ben Curtis:And then our there we are back in a neutral relationship.
Ben Curtis:It's not working.
Ben Curtis:Adam, what do you I'm I'm already going pretty deep here, but
Ben Curtis:let's keep it on the service level or as deep as you wanna go.
Ben Curtis:Like, what is self awareness to you?
Adam Lamb:Yeah, I think probably it's probably easier to define for me what
Adam Lamb:self awareness is not And I'm reminded of that, old adage, ignorance
Adam Lamb:is bliss And yet I know in this particular area being unaware,
Adam Lamb:is not necessarily bliss because that shit's gonna come home to
Adam Lamb:roost at some point. Right?
Adam Lamb:It's all gonna come crashing down.
Adam Lamb:At least it did for me.
Adam Lamb:And I've been married and divorced several times.
Adam Lamb:And in my present relationship with my wife, Jennifer, she and
Adam Lamb:I would be in conversation, and I would get, like, really triggered.
Adam Lamb:And I wasn't really sure what, like, what was triggering me in
Adam Lamb:the particular conversation.
Adam Lamb:And very often it wasn't necessarily what was being said, but
Adam Lamb:it somehow in my brain linked up to something that maybe my mother
Adam Lamb:said or the way that I interpreted the way my mother.
Adam Lamb:Maybe she's a wonderful woman, but she's not necessarily very maternal.
Adam Lamb:I think she'd be the 1st person to say she's a little self obsessed
Adam Lamb:and But and again, that's not a bad thing But if you don't understand
Adam Lamb:where your reactions are coming from, that's probably a great
Adam Lamb:indication of wanting to take a moment to embrace self awareness
Adam Lamb:such that I had to be willing to go on the journey of finding
Adam Lamb:out where these triggers came from because the relationship was
Adam Lamb:teetering at that point. Right.
Adam Lamb:And I had acted out in several other relationships.
Adam Lamb:It took me going through this exercise I did with a resume where
Adam Lamb:I basically, kept the dates and the places that I worked and then
Adam Lamb:deleted the paragraphs.
Adam Lamb:And in those paragraphs, I, I put like, what type of life events happened.
Adam Lamb:I like reporting it like, a reporter, like if I'm a very neutral position.
Adam Lamb:And then I would write what I made up about life and love based
Adam Lamb:upon that experience.
Adam Lamb:When relationships started, when they ended, did I lose people?
Adam Lamb:When I finished that exercise and I actually looked back down
Adam Lamb:on the paper, it was instantly evident to me that one of my coping
Adam Lamb:mechanisms in my life had been when things were going tough at
Adam Lamb:work or I wasn't feeling valued or I had some issue with self
Adam Lamb:esteem, I immediately pivoted to Chase skirt.
Adam Lamb:There had to be a conquest for me because that's the one thing
Adam Lamb:I knew how to do well.
Adam Lamb:And so in those moments when I was feeling shitty about myself,
Adam Lamb:I would often opt to have these extracurricular affairs just so
Adam Lamb:I could prop myself up emotionally.
Adam Lamb:And I didn't even know that was happening until I took that moment
Adam Lamb:to go on this exercise, which if anybody wants some more information,
Adam Lamb:they can definitely go reach out to Ben and I at the podcast and
Adam Lamb:I'll be more than happy to send that format to you because I think
Adam Lamb:it's a great place to start because honestly, sometimes we don't
Adam Lamb:know where the shit is coming from and it could be an old relationship
Adam Lamb:that's still there.
Adam Lamb:It could be something our dad said or our mom said or something
Adam Lamb:a teacher said.
Adam Lamb:And very often talk to my mother about this about that thing she
Adam Lamb:said at me, like that one time.
Adam Lamb:And she's not like very often.
Adam Lamb:My parents had no inkling that what they said in that particular
Adam Lamb:moment actually meant anything to me because it's very often not
Adam Lamb:what's being said, but it's the story that I make about it.
Adam Lamb:So it's from an interesting perspective, be able to kick back
Adam Lamb:and go I'm pretty sure that that's not what they meant in the
Adam Lamb:moment, but that is certainly what I made up about it.
Adam Lamb:And that story I cling to for a long time in my life until I was
Adam Lamb:actually aware of the story And then once I was made aware of
Adam Lamb:the story I can create another story to shift all it it.
Adam Lamb:That makes sense?
Ben Curtis:It makes perfect sense. Yeah. Yeah.
Ben Curtis:Because in the same way, it showed up in relationships for me
Ben Curtis:that I was talking about as well.
Ben Curtis:I, I identify with some of that, not necessarily the details,
Ben Curtis:the general aspects of how we prop ourselves up.
Ben Curtis:I got a lot of affirmation from fame and from the entertainment
Ben Curtis:world that I didn't get from my relationships often.
Ben Curtis:And I don't think we should get everything from every relationship,
Ben Curtis:but I had zeroed a little self esteem or love for myself, Despite
Ben Curtis:believing in my talents, I couldn't hold money.
Ben Curtis:I couldn't hold a relationship for too long.
Ben Curtis:And what I was seeing and what you're just sharing there is my
Ben Curtis:ex used to speak to me in a voice, not in the way that my mother
Ben Curtis:spoke, but in the way I spoke to myself, the nastiest ways I spoke
Ben Curtis:to myself would sometimes as they come out in relationships would
Ben Curtis:come out of her mouth.
Ben Curtis:And it was way too much to handle because it sounded way too much.
Ben Curtis:Like how I already spoke to myself.
Ben Curtis:You are to this or to that too sensitive to feminine.
Ben Curtis:All those things that I didn't actually realize were superpowers.
Ben Curtis:And, but I judged myself and I managed to attract people who were
Ben Curtis:while they were attracted to them also judged me for it as well.
Ben Curtis:Or I felt that way.
Ben Curtis:That's what I made up about that.
Ben Curtis:So then the other thing is, you know, I spent a lot of time developing
Ben Curtis:myself as a coach and I was doing all these landmark trainings
Ben Curtis:programs and one of and one of their main core principles is integrity.
Ben Curtis:And I was teaching and talking about integrity, and then I went
Ben Curtis:home and drank.
Ben Curtis:Actually, I was dog sitting for someone else who was out of the
Ben Curtis:country, and I drink half a bottle of their best whatever alcohol
Ben Curtis:they had that night.
Ben Curtis:And I realized somewhere deep in that bottle or the next morning
Ben Curtis:that how I was treating myself didn't have integrity.
Ben Curtis:I could have integrity everywhere else out in the world, but this
Ben Curtis:is the first time.
Ben Curtis:This was in my late twenties.
Ben Curtis:I didn't put down alcohol till I was 30 and that took a village, massive village.
Ben Curtis:But the way I treated myself and still to this day, that's the
Ben Curtis:work each morning to develop, to keep the kindness practices,
Ben Curtis:because other, I can't show up for anyone else if I am in the,
Ben Curtis:I like to call the itty bitty shitty committee.
Ben Curtis:At that that in your
Adam Lamb:head And
Ben Curtis:so when I get when I do the work to sit with my feelings, develop
Ben Curtis:some self awareness, it doesn't matter if I feel them or not,
Ben Curtis:but having a morning practice is one of those ways I practice
Ben Curtis:as well as a men's circle.
Ben Curtis:And that's why I developed this organization.
Ben Curtis:It keeps me accountable to be aware and then go up and show up
Ben Curtis:with other men.
Ben Curtis:And, and just by being with you today, it's already developing
Ben Curtis:more awareness for me because I see, you know, when men open their
Ben Curtis:mouths and hearts, what happens is we see each other, we see ourselves.
Ben Curtis:And so the more we start to even share the places where we're not aware.
Ben Curtis:Thank you, Adam, for sharing all those spaces in your life where
Ben Curtis:you weren't aware and weren't able to be aligned with a partnership
Ben Curtis:or with yourself, what you really wanted and needed.
Ben Curtis:That's the first step is just developing a practice of at least
Ben Curtis:sitting, practicing, listening, for what our heart really wants or needs.
Ben Curtis:We train our brains a lot, but I think listening to our heart
Ben Curtis:is a power of self awareness that I also want to talk about because
Ben Curtis:our heart has an electromagnetic field 10,000 times greater than our brain.
Ben Curtis:And yet we don't study it enough.
Ben Curtis:So thank you for bringing that awareness to me today.
Ben Curtis:What are some practices in your life that you use to practice self awareness?
Ben Curtis:Obviously you're in this men's organization as well, and we have
Ben Curtis:a weekly call, but anything else that I didn't mention that's
Ben Curtis:part of your practice?
Adam Lamb:Yeah, There's, I think for me, it boils down to one particular
Adam Lamb:concept with which is a pattern interrupt.
Adam Lamb:I've spent most of my life as a chef, in professional restaurants
Adam Lamb:and hotels and and resorts and things of that sort.
Adam Lamb:And there's a certain way of being that chefs step into when they
Adam Lamb:put on that apron and they put on their clogs.
Adam Lamb:And it's a little dictatorial.
Adam Lamb:You feel the pressure of the organization and the mission and
Adam Lamb:you're doing everything in your power to create a great outcome,
Adam Lamb:not only for the guests, but also for your staff.
Adam Lamb:But it can be a little abrupt Because you're cut you get used
Adam Lamb:to not giving orders but giving direction in a certain way At
Adam Lamb:least I did And I would come home
Ben Curtis:And you have to be very direct. Right? Yeah. Very direct. Exactly.
Ben Curtis:And interrupt whatever's happening.
Ben Curtis:Like, that needs to be heard in that moment.
Adam Lamb:Exactly. But what I was doing is I was just coming home and then
Adam Lamb:and then it took a couple weeks, and then my wife looked at me
Adam Lamb:one day, and she says, I don't work for you.
Adam Lamb:And I'm, like, what are you talking about?
Adam Lamb:She said, you're in chef mode.
Adam Lamb:And I'm, like see, I wasn't being self aware enough in the even
Adam Lamb:doesn't matter how long you've been doing this work, or if you're
Adam Lamb:just starting the work, It very often comes back down to the same
Adam Lamb:couple principles And I love the I love the adage of as a as an
Adam Lamb:apprentice, I chop wood and I carried water as a master, I chop
Adam Lamb:wood and I carried water because even in the most complex times,
Adam Lamb:there are those things that you, that I can do just like metaphor
Adam Lamb:of a chop of wooden, carrying water to get me over a particular,
Adam Lamb:I don't know, emotional thing.
Adam Lamb:Maybe I'm depressed.
Adam Lamb:Maybe I'm backed up.
Adam Lamb:Maybe I'm angry.
Adam Lamb:And then I come back to, okay, what is there to do?
Adam Lamb:To get back to my point with Jennifer it's I had to create, an
Adam Lamb:opportunity for me to have a pattern interrupt.
Adam Lamb:So my pattern was I was in chef mode and then I would come home
Adam Lamb:And even though that pattern interrupt might be 20 minutes in
Adam Lamb:the car, I'm listening to music or listening to a podcast or whatever
Adam Lamb:Maybe you're listening this to this podcast on the way home from your work.
Adam Lamb:And before I, NPR talks about these driveway moments, right?
Adam Lamb:You're listening to a show and it's so powerful that you shut
Adam Lamb:off the car and you continue to sit in the car because you wanna
Adam Lamb:get to the end of the program and find out what happened.
Adam Lamb:I would pull in my driveway.
Adam Lamb:I would stop and I would shut the car off and I would sit there
Adam Lamb:for about 5 minutes until whenever I was feeling in that moment, just dissipated.
Adam Lamb:Looking at how I was feeling.
Adam Lamb:Was I angry?
Adam Lamb:Was I agitated?
Adam Lamb:Was I still in that kind of dictatorial chef mode?
Adam Lamb:It wasn't so much like that, that was wrong.
Adam Lamb:It was just, I don't want anyone else to suffer because I'm being
Adam Lamb:completely clueless in that moment.
Adam Lamb:So that means I gotta take a step back, sit for 5 minutes, just be quiet.
Adam Lamb:See what's there without having to do anything with it.
Adam Lamb:I don't need to wrestle a problem to the ground I don't need to
Adam Lamb:kick myself in the ass because I'm feeling depressed or anything
Adam Lamb:Just be aware of what's there so that when I can actually step
Adam Lamb:through that door, more back into my heart than I am in my head.
Adam Lamb:So very often, while we're getting ready to have a conversation,
Adam Lamb:we're trying to think about what there is to say in such a way
Adam Lamb:that we end up getting what we want, as opposed to just being
Adam Lamb:present to what there is to say, even though you might necessarily
Adam Lamb:have the right words, but just to take a moment and say, listen,
Adam Lamb:don't really know what I'm feeling right now, but I'm a little
Adam Lamb:anxious and don't nest don't wanna barf barf all over you with
Adam Lamb:word salad, but just, could probably use a little bit of silence
Adam Lamb:right now, so I'll just go in my office for minutes or whatever.
Adam Lamb:It gives me a chance to ask for what I need.
Adam Lamb:So that pattern interrupt for me is, I think, really important.
Adam Lamb:And you speak to meditation.
Adam Lamb:Meditation is a great pattern interrupt because you're actually
Adam Lamb:starting your day with the pattern that you want, which is I think
Adam Lamb:a lot of people have this misconception about meditation.
Adam Lamb:Like you're going somewhere or you're doing something when in
Adam Lamb:fact it could just be sitting in silence, man, and just noticing what's there.
Adam Lamb:And again, not assigning any type of meaning or interpretation
Adam Lamb:or responsibility to that, just to notice what's there because
Adam Lamb:once it's noticed, you talk about the 80 bd shitty committee.
Adam Lamb:I call my ego Sluggo. Right?
Adam Lamb:And sometimes Sluggo's talking mad shit to me.
Adam Lamb:And sometimes I just have to tell them, take a minute and say,
Adam Lamb:thank you for caring.
Adam Lamb:Fuck you for sharing.
Adam Lamb:I got this.
Adam Lamb:You're very well practiced way of being your story about trying
Adam Lamb:to keep me safe.
Adam Lamb:I appreciate that dude, but I'm no longer in the cave.
Adam Lamb:I'm not gonna chase by a saber tooth tiger.
Adam Lamb:I got this.
Adam Lamb:And thank you very much because that voice in your head is never
Adam Lamb:gonna go away.
Adam Lamb:So the question is like, how do I notice it?
Adam Lamb:Not make it wrong.
Adam Lamb:And a dear friend of mine, Jeanie Sellers, said, just agree with it.
Adam Lamb:And I'm like, what are you talking about?
Adam Lamb:So Sluggo would say, you're full of shit.
Adam Lamb:You shouldn't try this because you'll fail.
Adam Lamb:He's just trying to keep me safe.
Adam Lamb:He doesn't want me to be embarrassed or whatever or feel any type
Adam Lamb:of emotional hurt.
Adam Lamb:So I would go, you know what, Sluggo? You're right.
Adam Lamb:I'm full of shit.
Adam Lamb:And then all of a sudden the voice just goes, that
Ben Curtis:also works with people who have bipolar. Sorry.
Ben Curtis:That also works with people who have borderline personality disorder.
Ben Curtis:So if anyone really does rather than trying to be defensive or
Ben Curtis:work your way around it, you just agree with them because then
Ben Curtis:there's nothing to work.
Ben Curtis:Struggles happen when 2 people are tangoing.
Adam Lamb:Yeah. And and I appreciate a certain amount of contrast and conflict
Adam Lamb:because I think in those type of moments, there's always, a much
Adam Lamb:better outcome than either I or the other person would thought of.
Adam Lamb:It's what's great about getting into a great conversation, but
Adam Lamb:not being so committed to your position that you won't necessarily
Adam Lamb:listen and consider what they're saying.
Adam Lamb:But yeah, there are some days where I don't want any conflict or contrast.
Adam Lamb:I just want it to go smooth. Yeah.
Adam Lamb:And that's usually when that shit sneaks up and bites me in the ass. So anyway,
Ben Curtis:We're saying sitting as well.
Ben Curtis:I think it's great to talk and pattern interrupts.
Ben Curtis:We have you mentioned this isn't like a practice that you just
Ben Curtis:do 1 and done. Right?
Ben Curtis:This is in fact, any of us men.
Ben Curtis:Chances are none of us were taught any of this growing up, and
Ben Curtis:we have how many decades doing something differently or the same way.
Ben Curtis:So also some compassion here for ourself, on this process.
Ben Curtis:One of the things when my wife so lovingly or not brings gently
Ben Curtis:or not brings up something that I need to hear a reflection, oftentimes
Ben Curtis:I just say, oh, wow.
Ben Curtis:Thank you so much for helping bring that to my awareness.
Ben Curtis:And I and actually, now that you say it, I noticed it too.
Ben Curtis:Going forward, hopefully I'll be able to change that because I
Ben Curtis:do appreciate, I do want to work on this and I do want you to
Ben Curtis:have the experience of being able to hear me or whatever it is.
Ben Curtis:And, but also important not to give that responsibility to our
Ben Curtis:partners to hold us accountable for that.
Ben Curtis:And I think that's, I was just talking to someone about this account
Ben Curtis:accountability buddy, a trusted listener.
Ben Curtis:That's what I find beautiful about the men's circle is it may
Ben Curtis:not even have to be someone as well.
Ben Curtis:Sometimes it can be helpful if you someone you don't know as well. Sure.
Ben Curtis:But a safe and sacred space, whatever that hat is with you, with
Ben Curtis:God, with nature.
Ben Curtis:But I really find it helps to have another human being to reflect
Ben Curtis:that with, to hold that into that you can leave things with.
Ben Curtis:And my partner and I had a beautiful conversation the other day
Ben Curtis:about the importance of needing to have that I needed.
Ben Curtis:I'm realizing I'm developing the awareness that I need safe spaces
Ben Curtis:to be able to talk about intimacy and sex and my experience so
Ben Curtis:that I can show up and be the best partner.
Ben Curtis:And then I actually do need to process these things out loud with
Ben Curtis:other, humans that look and feel like me and have the same amounts
Ben Curtis:of testosterone and also have this appendage between their legs
Ben Curtis:that they have to deal with on a daily basis.
Adam Lamb:Actually, there's 3 appendages. Cool.
Ben Curtis:Yeah. Yeah. Old. Yeah.
Ben Curtis:And it's like a it's like a record.
Ben Curtis:We have this deep worn groove that we've been playing for decades.
Ben Curtis:And so to pick the needle up and try to listen a little differently
Ben Curtis:or practice sitting for a little bit and a meditation could be
Ben Curtis:going on a walk.
Ben Curtis:And then the one other thing I wanted to put in was visualization
Ben Curtis:that you said can actually create how you want to feel that it
Ben Curtis:helps to sit or sometimes for me to walk to really start to visualize,
Ben Curtis:like, turn my brain on, but it's a great time to practice doing that.
Ben Curtis:How would you want to feel today?
Ben Curtis:How do you want your day to go?
Ben Curtis:Because we had spent plenty of time worried about all the worst case scenarios.
Ben Curtis:And if our thoughts create our words, create our world, then we
Ben Curtis:practice thinking about how we want it to go, then we actually
Ben Curtis:have a 100% more likely chance of it actually happening that way.
Adam Lamb:Yeah. Hugh Jackman has a practice.
Adam Lamb:The guy that played Wolverine is a practice where before a meeting
Adam Lamb:or particular event, he actually has a gets into a dialogue with
Adam Lamb:himself internally and basically describes how that situation
Adam Lamb:is gonna end up being.
Adam Lamb:I walked into this situation.
Adam Lamb:I knew what there was to say.
Adam Lamb:I didn't feel rushed or nervous.
Adam Lamb:And so my wife and I have been calling that a future projection,
Adam Lamb:and it could be right before getting on a phone call.
Adam Lamb:I I don't know about you, but there was a time in my life where
Adam Lamb:if the phone ring, I thought it was always bad news. Right? I still
Ben Curtis:experience that sometimes. Yeah.
Ben Curtis:I still have the response, nervous system response.
Adam Lamb:Yeah. So, how do I look at a phone?
Adam Lamb:How do I look at my cell phone going off in an unrecognized number
Adam Lamb:and get myself grounded in such a bit in such a way that no matter
Adam Lamb:what happens, I'll be unflappable and be cool and calm under pressure.
Adam Lamb:And I wish I had, I was, I had done that before I called our solar
Adam Lamb:repair company, because they put me through a loop for about an
Adam Lamb:hour and a half.
Adam Lamb:And I was so pissed by the end of it.
Adam Lamb:I couldn't even articulate because they'd bounced me from them,
Adam Lamb:one company to another.
Adam Lamb:And I basically had to say, you guys know that I don't care about
Adam Lamb:who's scheduled to do what.
Adam Lamb:I'm the customer, and my expectation is that this problem is gonna get solved.
Adam Lamb:So, can you solve this problem?
Adam Lamb:Because I'm like sick and tired of trying to be like, I'll be
Adam Lamb:my best I'll be my best own advocate. Shit, man.
Adam Lamb:Don't put me through the ringer such that I feel stupid that I'm
Adam Lamb:even calling you guys to begin with because I can do almost everything
Adam Lamb:with this system except for this one fault that happens in the
Adam Lamb:PVC shutout and then someone's got to come on and do a physical
Adam Lamb:thing as like, anyway
Ben Curtis:I don't I don't have a I don't know Anything about this?
Ben Curtis:I lived in New York. I know.
Ben Curtis:While I coach solar companies, none of them are that. And,
Adam Lamb:Well, exactly. And it's not necessarily the detail, although sometimes
Adam Lamb:a story can connect me with what, what I'm actually trying to
Adam Lamb:talk about, but
Ben Curtis:try to talk about
Adam Lamb:what I just wanted.
Adam Lamb:I wanted to say that this idea of being self aware or being willing
Adam Lamb:to be self aware, I think is one of the most pivotal decisions
Adam Lamb:a person can make in their journey of self discovery.
Adam Lamb:And it all down to this one idea that I embrace, which is I wanna
Adam Lamb:try to be 1% better than I was yesterday.
Adam Lamb:Meaning that I wanna be 1%, smart.
Adam Lamb:I wanna be 1% more empathetic.
Adam Lamb:I wanna be 1% because when I talk about making big changes in
Adam Lamb:my life, very often that has me closed down like, oh shit, man.
Adam Lamb:That seems to be too tough.
Adam Lamb:That's too far to walk.
Adam Lamb:That's too big of a hill to climb.
Adam Lamb:But if I'm talking about 1%, then it means that I can actually
Adam Lamb:do one thing today.
Adam Lamb:That's actually gonna end up being creating a better life for me tomorrow.
Adam Lamb:And I think all of us can can agree that we'd like our lives to
Adam Lamb:be a little bit better You know, whenever in whatever way that's
Adam Lamb:possible The thing is that to own it and say that I'm the I am
Adam Lamb:at cause for my life.
Adam Lamb:I can actually do this.
Adam Lamb:I don't have to wait for someone else to do it, like my partner
Adam Lamb:or my boss or the government, like giving our power away to all
Adam Lamb:those other entities really denies us the personal leadership
Adam Lamb:that we need in order to not only create a great life, but also
Adam Lamb:to be the leader that people in our lives are looking for.
Adam Lamb:The feminine if there's a lack of leadership, the feminine's gonna
Adam Lamb:step in every single time.
Adam Lamb:So if there's and I'm not talking about situational leadership
Adam Lamb:where my wife likes to pay the bills and I like to mow the lawn
Adam Lamb:like, those that's completely that's more balance in the relationship.
Adam Lamb:I'm talking about giving my power away and waiting for someone
Adam Lamb:else to fix it when really the only person with the power to change anything.
Ben Curtis:So. Amen to that.
Ben Curtis:I really appreciate that.
Ben Curtis:And a tool that I found to turn around my day and immediately,
Ben Curtis:and I I just posted about this on our Instagram was I say, dude,
Ben Curtis:how's your day going?
Ben Curtis:And, this lady the other day said it was, she was like, oh, it'd
Ben Curtis:be a lot better if when my day is over.
Ben Curtis:And I said, gosh.
Ben Curtis:And I said she was like, how's yours?
Ben Curtis:And I said, I'm really grateful to be alive and to be here.
Ben Curtis:And she said, wow, I wish more people thought like you.
Ben Curtis:And I said, I didn't wake up this way.
Ben Curtis:But actually, if you knew how you're doing, has me feeling a lot better.
Ben Curtis:And then I've seen this woman at the grocery store, this manager
Ben Curtis:for, 3 years now.
Ben Curtis:For the first time ever, would you know that I finally looked
Ben Curtis:at her name or asked her name?
Ben Curtis:I never do that.
Ben Curtis:And her name's Grace, which is my favorite name.
Ben Curtis:I wanted to name our unborn child Grace.
Ben Curtis:I used to fight with my wife about,
Adam Lamb:it's gotta be Grace.
Ben Curtis:And I said, well
Adam Lamb:what I need in my life right now is grace.
Ben Curtis:Yes, exactly. For 3 years, I said, wow, this is the first time
Ben Curtis:I've looked at your name tag. I'm sorry.
Ben Curtis:That is my favorite name.
Ben Curtis:And it's nice to actually know yours.
Ben Curtis:And she was like, wow, thank you.
Ben Curtis:And I was so lit up after that and I had been sick all day and
Ben Curtis:felt horrible and depressed and useless, when it can be with that,
Ben Curtis:like being of service.
Ben Curtis:That's why I wanna say, if you wanna start to develop some accountability
Ben Curtis:to turn this stuff around, there's nothing like being in a men's group.
Ben Curtis:I just keep looking at the examples and it's all accountability.
Ben Curtis:It's all men in my life who constantly will share self awareness,
Ben Curtis:who will tell me if I'm being an asshole, who will tell me if
Ben Curtis:I'm being selfish, and who will tell me how beautiful I am and
Ben Curtis:how much love and wisdom I have. Yeah.
Ben Curtis:I don't get that acknowledgement the way I would like always from
Ben Curtis:my partner and nor for myself.
Ben Curtis:And I can't always even hear from other people, but I can count
Ben Curtis:on them to be that until I can soak in it.
Ben Curtis:We'll love you until you learn to love yourself.
Adam Lamb:Again, we wanna thank you for listening and giving us an opportunity
Adam Lamb:to talk about these really important aspects of what we're starting
Adam Lamb:to call the Dude Nation Manifesto.
Adam Lamb:It's Kind of this creed that we're developing, that we're gonna
Adam Lamb:start embracing more, of some of these ideas.
Adam Lamb:And of course, self awareness is at the very top of that, because
Adam Lamb:without that, everything else, doesn't happen.
Adam Lamb:If you're starting to go on your journey of self awareness, we welcome you.
Adam Lamb:If you're well on your way to self awareness, welcome too, brother. Matt.
Adam Lamb:Please visit us on Instagram.
Adam Lamb:We love to interact there and get your get conversation started
Adam Lamb:and answer your questions about what are the topics that you most
Adam Lamb:wanna listen to?
Adam Lamb:What's going on in your life that we can perhaps assist you with?
Adam Lamb:And the dude nation is here for a very specific reason, and that
Adam Lamb:is to empower men to embrace their authentic and healthy masculinity
Adam Lamb:And that's not always easy out there So if you're doing it alone,
Adam Lamb:stop Can't do it alone.
Adam Lamb:It takes a community, and we want to welcome you into the Dude Nation community.
Adam Lamb:Ben, any last words?
Ben Curtis:Yes. Welcome dudes.
Ben Curtis:And please come join our community on school.
Ben Curtis:That is where we are thriving.
Ben Curtis:That's where our calendars are.
Ben Curtis:And we have calls and spaces and classes and circles to wrap around
Ben Curtis:you in every area of your life, whether you're a young dude or
Ben Curtis:an old retired dude or somewhere in between, even though single
Ben Curtis:fathers out there, we got your back.
Ben Curtis:So however you are today is perfect.
Ben Curtis:And just like Adam said, don't if you're doing it alone, stop it.
Ben Curtis:Can join us.
Adam Lamb:Stop doing that.
Ben Curtis:And share this with someone who needs to hear it today because
Ben Curtis:the more you raise your voice and the more you share the things
Ben Curtis:that matter to you, the more you amplify this message out in the world.
Adam Lamb:That's it for this episode of the Dude Nation podcast.
Adam Lamb:Be part of the movement to redefine what it means to be a man
Adam Lamb:in today's world.
Adam Lamb:Let's reclaim healthy masculinity together.
Adam Lamb:And until next
Adam Lamb:week.